Two months of writers block and a jump scare to logging on Substack has yielded this article
And other things you probably don't care to read about, but you should...
Hi Friends, Network and Strangers on the Internet 🙋🏼♀️
It's been a hot minute since my last post. This because my Substack was hacked back in early June. Sadly, even after contacting Substack, my publication still floats somewhere in cyberspace with no explanation for what has happened.
I'll cover this story in another post, tag all the necessary peeps when I'm less angry and emotional. So for now, we focus on a collective plea bargain to help me rebuild an audience and replace the 400+ followers I was accumlating prior to my online attack.
All yours for the cost of ZERO currency as now I have made all my content for free until the end of August in order to filter an appropriate audience. I'm not even sure if this post will reach my subscribers as my profile currently looks like this…
I'm not here to complain, well... not entirely.
It is not my aim to be a popular content creator on this platform or elsewhere. My goal is to connect with a niche audience who can resonate with the stories I share. This is part of my journey to build a community, paving the way for when I can finally afford to hire an editor, copywriter, and publish the book I’m finalising.
I also look for a ghostwriter to curate a story that causes me too much emotional distress to write myself. So if you are any of these people, pls connect with me here. When I have enough money someday to pay for your services, I’ll be happy to add you to the shopping list I’m accumulating.
I’ve been properly coached on how to market and sell myself effectively, but the truth is, I value my online privacy more. In these modern times, evil humans—or bots—often ruin our internet experiences. So, often it’s easier to stay in the virtual shadows, observing what works for those who make a living sharing their writings online, and btw have you subscribed to my social media stranger friend The Starfire Codes amazing content?
Here’s what I’m offering...
I'm here to share my insights into yoga and metaphysical teachings, which will likely resonate with those already drawn to these topics. I’m a self-professed weirdo with opinions that most people I know don’t fully agree with—and that’s okay with me. I’ve spent my life being the odd (wo)man out, even earning the nickname ‘Oddball’ as a child, a playful nod to my name, Audra.
As a bonus, I’ll share my past experiences through storytelling, revealing how I’ve survived a life that seemed destined for disaster from the start. My very existence shattered the lives of the two people who created me and divided a small community in Southwest Missouri. But that’s a story for another time where I’ll cover being born from a teenager, plus living out themes of foster and adoption trauma. A story that delves into the realities of generational curses of being born into, and raised in, difficult circumstances.
But first, some context for what’s to come in my future posts... cause it’s not all about yoga or astrology, though that’s helpful to resolve and explain the maddness of our modern-day world.
Most of my friends and people in my network are not on Substack. It’s hard to WANT to join ANOTHER platform that replaces the dysfunctional ones we already operate with. So for those that do wish to provide a donation to my work outside this platform, here is my Paypal.
The story goes…
During the pandemic, I spent a lot of time reevaluating my relationship with social media. Before the pandemic, being constantly plugged in had already made me a slave to my devices, setting the stage for the ‘crazy’ that would follow when we were all locked indoors with limited human interaction. Early on, I noticed how my habits were making me ill in various ways, and I realized I needed to unplug to save my sanity.
Burnout forced me to set clear goals around my habits. I quickly came to the self-realisation that my life had become unmanageable due to my inability to control my device usage. I confirmed I was addicted. I even bought a new Mac, which I sat untouched in it’s plastic covered box for an entire year because of the overwhelming burnout symptoms I was experiencing. During this time, I slowly worked to change my habits, ultimately leaving a successful, sustainable 9-5 corporate job that had me staring at a screen for most of my waking hours.
And then I got smart—which is really challenging for me, given I’m laden with learning disabilities and mental illness diagnoses. Plus, I’m also a recovering addict, a struggle that began in childhood. My first addictions involved learning to emotionally eat my feelings at a young age, later leading to an abusive relationship with sugar and exercise by my teens.
Various eating disorders, substance and alcohol abuse that filled my early twenties, I eventually sobered up. Now, I’m happy to be free of (most) toxic environments, substances, and relationships that once undermined my self-confidence—or, at the very least, threatened my autonomy and drove me to abuse my body through self-neglect.
These past few years have been about reforming my own habits, behaviors, and relationship with technology. I’m now ready to share some of what I’ve learned. There aren’t many people openly discussing these topics on their platforms because, let’s face it, talking about difficult issues isn’t easy. So, here I am, a lone wolf, asking for your support—reshare, repost, comment, validate….anything to boost those algorithms. And to my friends who know me personally who put up with my shenanigans—y’all know the drill: share my posts on your socials!
Addressing addiction and mental illness is a crucial part of my self-assigned core mission.
As someone officially diagnosed with multiple forms of depression—conditions I’ve been treated for clinically, and with the help of perscribed drugs over the last decade—I’ve learned to heal from the chaos these affiliations have brought into my life. And as a recovering addict, I’ve also received free community support and resources through various 12-step programs over the past decade. My 20-year success story (I just turned 47) lies in my belief in hope, positivity, and affirmations. I genuinely believe this life is worth living, even when it feels like it’s not.
I’m excited to share more knowledge in this area with my network. By now, I believe almost everyone on Earth is suffering from some form of mental illness due to the circumstances imposed by the oligarchs who control our world. And I strongly feel that a large majority of the world’s population is mildly addicted, or numbed by, some form of technology. And I’m confident enough to address, in some part, how to manage our digital habits.
Some personal context...
I was labeled with depression two decades ago, while in my early twenties and living in a mid-size American city. I visited a general practitioner for a pap smear exam. The doctor asked if there was anything else I needed help with, and I described some symptoms that couldn’t be explained with my physical health. She suggested it sounded like depression and recommended finding a therapist. She also offered a free sample of a low-dose pill, which I hesitantly accepted and used for a year.
“Will I have to take this medication for the rest of my life?” I asked, horrified.
“Not necessarily,” she replied, “but you do need talk therapy to work out the issues causing your mental anguish.”
Great… on to find a therapist I can afford to pay in cash since my health insurance didn’t cover mental health support such as therapy.
I eventually found a kind, caring Christian, non-denominational therapist in Denver who offered me a sliding scale of $20 per session. After a year of therapy, I began to make more sense of the mental challenges that had deterred my life and personality.
“But aren’t these symptoms I’m explaining to you a result of problems I have no power to influence?” I asked my therapist during a session.
“Yes, these are modern-day societal problems, and we all process the experience differently,” she concluded.
It took me a few more years to fully embrace and label the trauma in my life, much of which stemmed from late-stage hyper-capitalism that I couldn’t find the means or purpose to thrive in. When I discussed past occurrences with those who were involved, the takeaways didn’t always align with my perspective.
“That’s not trauma; that’s just how things were back then!” my Boomer Dad shouted from the other room, where he was flipping between USA-propagated news, reruns of Law & Order, and Jeopardy.
But here’s the thing: No one gets to judge another’s level of trauma. We’re all on different paths, having different experiences, and focusing on living our lives to the fullest. For those who can understand and interpret this narrative, some realities offer different perspectives.
The homeless people I meet on the street—I make sure to make eye contact with them and ask how their day is going. Often, their demeanor is more hopeful and optimistic than my privileged, cynical self could ever muster. The trauma of those who live in constant fear and danger far exceeds anything I’ve experienced within the confines of my Western entitlements.
Recently, my hyper-sensitive daughter told me with a straight face that she could no longer eat zucchini because she’s “traumatized” by our house rule of “one bite to try it first.”
“Child, please sit down and let me speak.” I responded. “Mommy wants to tell you about the time I had to eat the same plate of microwaved asparagus for two days straight until it was all gone, under the evil hand of my wicked stepmother (and may the Christian God continue to bless her soul). From that moment on, I learned how to make myself vomit food that made me angry to be forced to eat, which is how I developed my first eating disorder at a young age. So, you best listen to your Mother and take at least one bite of a vegetable that’s not out to harm or hurt you. The rest we’ll give to the homeless man down the street who will appreciate a free warm meal and what you label as ‘a soggy veggie’.”
If a person is not aware or capable of processing trauma, the patterns that impacted their past will eventually catch up to the present and determine their future.
Shared experiences, perhaps?!
As mentioned, these last four years have been a period of deep reflection, learning, and observation for me. Maybe for you too?
I actively critique the platform owners who control the governance (there is none btw) behind social media, and I’ve come to realise that the voice of the typical social media user is increasingly irrelevant. We simply are lost in the algorithms and it’s hard for others to find our content admist the swarm of infected bullshit that we are forcefed.
In my journey to build a brand on Substack—a platform where users can actually own and manage their content—I’ve found it to be a refreshing alternative, regardless of my recent cyber attack. It’s a space where I can receive independent news directly from the source, bypassing the delays and gatekeeping often found in legacy media. My favorites like Dan Rather’s Steady publication, or Robert Reich and Heather Cox Richardson are the reasons I joined this platform, and I’m not even a paid subscriber of their content, yet still receive great coverage!
It’s clear that social media as a whole needs reformation. Now is the perfect time for those of us who care about how we use these platforms to speak up and advocate for change. Meta is huge part and cause of the problem, and X reeks of a swampy fascism that’s hard to ignore. While forums like Reddit and Quora offer insights through comments and discussions, they still tether us to our devices, preventing real-life conversations with actual humans we should be connecting with.
It’s only a matter of time before these platforms lose their intelligent, conscious user base. The key is for users to develop enough self-awareness to recognize the moral bankruptcy that these platforms are perpetuating.
Once we, the users, realize that we no longer want to be part of the abusive intentions that shareholders accept as the norm—exploiting demographics for profit—we can start to limit and control our support for these billionaires who thrive on an unwitting, yet innocent, user base.
It’s us!
The consumers of social media hold the power to influence and change these platforms, so why aren’t we organizing a revolution?
At this moment, these platforms are in a state of self-destruction, while owners keep users engaged through addictive doomscrolling, forced advertisements, and content that the average user doesn’t even want to consume.
These are the reasons I’ve chosen to publish my writings on Substack—because here, freedom of speech seems to (mostly) be genuinely offered, even if my account has been targeted by trolls and hackers.
I’m passionate about these issues because I’ve witnessed and suffered from the damage they can cause; losing friends and family to the mind-numbing narratives pushed by social media trends and the demigods that control them. But there’s more to this story… lemme share about that in my next post.
Thanks for making it this far, if you did. Can you please kindly comment to validate this post has made it through the confines of an infected cyberspace?
Asking and posting in desperation, for myself …
Audra xx
Glad you’re back at it on your way to getting this platform to work again. I feel for you, so frustrating.
Thank you.